Fail. HELLA fucking red at my roots … HELLA black every where else.

SIGH

I’m doing something I really have begun to dislike, like being someone i’m not. Like asking my boyfriend to quit smoking for me, feeling really PROUD of me, then take it back for the sake of his happiness.

I’m tired of weed. I can’t help it if i am in love with life itself. I don’t need any drug to enhance that feeling. And i also can’t help it if my boyfriend needs stuff to help him get that feeling.

Maybe this problem will solve itself. Maybe it’s not even a problem at all.

I’ve seen that dumb graphic like every other picture. lol

I don’t know what to say. I just feel like crying. But i don’t, because i don’t know why i would be crying. But i do. I feel like crying because the love of my life, my future (9 months) hubby kept a secret from me. Which i lying. And i told him i would break up with him if he lied to me again. But he didn’t lie, because technically he didn’t say anything about it. But he did it without telling me his plan. What is that considered ? Should I be mad ? Sad ?

I don’t know what to feel. But i clearly do. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m mad because of what he did. I’m sad because i have no clarity. I won’t see OR hear from him until next Thursday. That means no Crepeville and Rum Diary and Costume Shopping Date tomorrow. No Senior Picture. No pumpkin shaped Pizza from Papa Murphys. No Scary Movie Marathon or passing out candy at his house. No Halloween. No more Hippy Costume or flowers in his beard. I’m scared because … i don’t know why.

I love my Boyfriend. I know he loves me. I know he does! I just have to be patient. I just have to be patient. Patient Patient Patient.

Technically speaking.

And I was very proud of who i was. I was glad that i made that choice all by myself. Why did i change ? Was it worth it ? No.

I can only be like this for so long. I hate it. I hate smoking. I hate drinking.

Love can be so overpowering.

I, Allison, am seriously head over fricken feet in love with him. More than anything. Everything. Anyone. Everyone. I love him, and finally finally finally i know he really loves me. It took some bad things, lying, crying, arguing, and finally just telling the truth to get here, where WE were about a year and 10 months ago. I learned new things from this experience, learned to never let my guard down but still trust. I learned that all men are alike, my man is no different from any other male. BUT he is unique in his own, charming, romantic ways.

But as of now, i love him. I always have. <3