Alls i wanted to was find me, you know ? And i wanted to do that with him. I was crazy to think i would find out who i really was with him. Instead i lost that goal in him. And my only goal came to be: Him. I only wanted him, I wanted to marry him and grow old with him. I wanted to live in our little house by the big ocean. I wanted the Life i’ve always dreamed of. And i fell in love. We fell in love. Everything was perfect, him, me, us. Months flew by right before my eyes and then we realized the spark was gone. I lost me inside this boy, i lost me. And now i’m just trying to find me again.

We both knew the spark had faded. I still loved him. I told him and myself that i would never not love him, and i stuck t my word. He told me the same thing. Then i guess he forgot about us. Our future. His promise to me. 

After 1 year, 8 months, and 8 days later he broke up with me. My first boyfriend, my first love, my first break up. I felt like my soul had been chewed up and spit out. Like i was being played the whole time. Honestly i cried all day. I didnt eat for 3 days. He said i didn’t let him do things he wanted to do, like smoke. And then he said he doesn’t love me, and hasn’t for the last month. But i wouldn’t let this happen, it couldn’t happen. We were meant to be. I sucked up my tears, i called him and acted strong. We talked a lot. There was another girl. 

But my journey to find me is going to become Mission Impossible. We’re back together.I just don’t feel the same. But i love him no matter what  and i’d do everything i can to save something that is competely worth it, and there will be cosequences. I’m just head over heels i guess.

So yeah, here i come summer ‘11.